Mullets, Buck Teeth, and Cougars

OK, here’s the highlights from one of the craziest nights I’ve had in awhile. A couple friends and I went up to my cabin in Hope this past Friday to check out the Trooper concert. Cause I’m a nice guy, the friends will remain anonymous, although if you’re reading this blog, you probably know who they are already.

The concert was at the Hope skating rink. I’m guessing there was between 500-1000 in attendance, but I don’t think I stopped laughing long enough to figure out an accurate estimate.

The show started around 8:30pm with the first opening band. I have no idea who they were, some kind of crazy Finnish band that kept singing about cocaine in their bedroom…very strange! I’d give them a pretty high score on the suckage meter. They made fun of the “fans” sitting in the stands which was pretty amusing.

Next up was Helix who weren’t too bad. Definitely old. The lead singer’s skin looked like he had been sitting in a hot tub for 2 hours before getting on stage.

Lastly Trooper took the stage. They were good, but by then I wasn’t really paying much attention to the music anyway.

Alright, now to explain about the “crazy” parts. Firstly, having been around Vancouver my whole life, I haven’t been able to experience the small town scene much. This was my first real foray into the small town life style. Before I go any further, I’d just like to say I have nothing against small towns. They are generally full of very kind, helpful people. However, that’s not going to stop me from poking a little fun at a few folks. Concerts can often make a night fairly crazy. Here’s a timeline of stuff that pushed this particular concert a little bit further than most:

  • We parked the car at the end of the parking lot which was almost full. In the 20 years I’ve been frequenting Hope, I have NEVER seen more than a handful of cars in the lot. We got to the front door. I had a Will Call ticket, so I asked the bouncer where to go. He pointed at the 2 ladies selling tickets inside. I told the first lady I had a Will Call ticket and she said “ah, you must be Scott?”. I started laughing and asked if I was the only one with a Will Call ticket. She told me there was one other guy that had one, but he already picked his up.
  • We only had 1 beer each before getting to the concert, so we wanted to get beer in our hands as soon as possible. We discovered there was a beer garden in the back of the rink. We grabbed some drink tickets and commenced laughing our asses off at all the “interesting” folks. We watched an old dude molesting some 20 year old girl for awhile. She was into it. It was funny, but she might have been his daughter…tough to say.
  • We did 3 rounds of beers, and then it was my turn to buy more tickets. I went up to the back of the line, and was in a great mood, so I thought I’d try to strike up a conversation with the guy in front of me. I said something like “Hi there, I assume this is the back of the beer ticket line?”. The guys turned around and flipped out on me “You’re damn F#$*ing right you’re at the back of the line! If you want to do something about it we can take this outside”…blah, blah, blah. He went on a rant for a bit, but I couldn’t stop laughing. Even the dude behind me started laughing.
  • I got to the front of the line, asked for three tickets, and then started pulling out a $20. The girl said “Whoa, what are you doing, you’ve already paid!” Well, I hadn’t paid yet, I can guarantee that due to the fact I was dealing with the guy in front of me wanting to “take it outside”. I told her I was pretty sure I hadn’t paid yet, but she insisted and said “Man, you must be pretty drunk already!”. I took the free tickets and got the hell out of there. I came back later that night and she remembered me as the guy who tried to pay twice. Maybe she wanted me to take her outback? I need to learn how to speak hick.
  • After the first band finished, we were hanging out at the front of the stage, and this chick came up and started dancing. She said she was “Charlotte, you know, like Charlotte’s web”. She said she was 42 and a grandma. That was cougar #1.
  • Cougar #2 took a shine to friend #1. Every time I looked at this chick she’d grab me by the shoulder, pointed at friend #1 and would say “This guys is SO awesome!”. Yup, he’s pretty awesome! Later some guy grabbed friend #1 and lipped him off saying “Stay the F#*K away from my wife!”. Friend #2 and I almost had to bash some skullz. It was awesome. I later told Cougar #2 to stay the hell away from us as she was still making eyes.
  • Cougar #3 started hitting on me. We got into a whistling duel. My whistles were louder, so I won. I should add that to my normal cougar pickup repertoire.
  • We eventually got out of the concert, all pretty wasted. There was a road block outside the rec center, and we weren’t about to drive home, so I went out to the cop and said “Hey, we’re drunk as skunks, can you get us a taxi?”. He said OK and told us to wait on the side of the road. A couple minutes later all the cops got in their cars and drove off. WTF!?
  • We walked the 4ish KMs back to my cabin. I have absolutely no idea how long it took, but I’m pretty sure it was the main reason I didn’t have a gigantic hang over. I remember walking along the railing of a bridge we had to cross. That probably wasn’t a great idea.

If friends #1 or #2 remember anything I missed, let me know 🙂

PS Just found out you can book Trooper for your own concerts 😛

PPS Friend #2 is married and therefore was carrying anti-cougar-spray 😉

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2 Comments on “Mullets, Buck Teeth, and Cougars”

  1. Sounds like you bounced between creepy and hilarious all night long ;).

  2. Graham Says:

    Sweetness to the max! Welcome to the world of hickville! Glad to hear you made it out alive.

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